Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
