i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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