HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I will pee on everything he values.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
