Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Randomize
