it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.