what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
My Sexting was not on an AP level
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal