For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I can't put those talents on a resume
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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