I met the friendliest cop last night
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
