I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
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