Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
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