Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
