Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Randomize
