I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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