I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
