upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
