I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
