well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Randomize
