3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Randomize
