It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
