A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
It's blow job season.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
This is my life. Enjoy the view
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
