all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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