you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Randomize
