I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
