summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
