what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
