I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
