I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
