I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
So here I am, sexting at work.
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