True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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