she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
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