sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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