Having a random hookup so left but love u
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
