I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
