Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
