so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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