you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
