Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
My balls are so social today.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
