Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
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