apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
