You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
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