i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
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I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
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You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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