Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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