I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Randomize
