feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
