I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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