hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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