someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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