you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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