Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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