i just had sex bonerless
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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