I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
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i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
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High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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