The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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