Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
