right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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