Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize
