So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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