we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize