He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Randomize
