ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
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