i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
