a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
