She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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