fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
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you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
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At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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