Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Randomize
