She said her name was "party"
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
