You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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