i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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