I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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