just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Randomize
