and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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