Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
