Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
mondays should just be called national damage control day
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
