Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Oh god it's open bar.
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