We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
