Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
