just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Randomize
