your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
