wrigley field is MILF paradise
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
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