I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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